The days of trying not to think about what’s going on, are over. Tomorrow morning I go for the first post-chemo scans – who knows what they will tell. Some days I wake up and wonder why I am not at work, I feel fine. Other days I imagine a crepuscular (if you can use crepuscular in that way!) presence haunting my body and taking over – all whilst I am ignorant of the fact. The big machines will tell me the the facts…those machines that were so odd that now seem so familiar. The dye that is injected which makes you feel like you have wet yourself…the robot like armour that you have to lie on and place breasts in the slots…Less than a year ago I was unfamiliar with any of these procedures and now they seem too commonplace for my liking.
Wednesday is dermatology – a third attempt to diagnose what is going on with my arm and the rash that doesn’t want to disappear.
I then have a brief interlude before next week with the surgeons – Wednesday for breast and Friday for back. Not long until I know the options.
All I can really say is that my post-chemo hair is looking a deal better than Meryl Streep’s in August: Osage County…cancer is such a great leveller!