Giant Brest!*

Yesterday brought forth 4 hospital appointment letters – oncology consultant, dermatology, orthopaedics and echocardiogram. As if this didn’t fill my diary enough I also had 4 new appointments for my 3 weekly regular treatment. Post-surgery it looks like it will be radiotherapy which I think means daily treatment for weeks – by then, I will be needing a diary manager! Am supposed to be exercising to re-build my stamina but I am struggling to find a “window” for this.

Good news is that at the moment I am still managing to fit some regular life in as well as being able to attend the Literary Festival next week. After that life may segue into a completely blurred world of hospitals.

Tomorrow is decision day re breast surgery. I have come up with a list of questions that I may have to try and prune today. Whilst obviously concerned about the procedures, pain relief and recovery I also have a myriad of other (more practical) things to ask. How many prostheses do you get/need? Do you wash them? by hand? washing machine? Do they need changing regularly? Are there different summer & winter varieties? (like duvets!). Also what size will reduced breast be? I had an accident in swimming pool  (no…not that sort of accident..) but the bra cup in my cossie tore (leaving me exposed!), which means I need a new one…but what size? Can I risk getting one to fit now or not?

I also seem fairly fixated on the fact that if I want to have a double mastectomy I need to see a psychologist. Fair enough but wonder why this is clinically considered to be worse than having toxic chemicals pumped through you and losing your hair. I suspect because it is permanent. I still think that I will be forever haunted by the hair loss rather than the breast loss.

* Giant Brest is the name of a friend’s bike shop in Brest (France) – just thought it was funny! Humour seems to be the best way to deal will all the above….

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