On the shelf

I am now on the shelf with April (the wig) and my prosthesis. My husband has left me today for “a different life”… Moved out lock, stock and cases of wine!

Hard to know what to say. This wasn’t intended to be a blog about me – rather me and my experience of my illness. However it is impossible not to share the fact that my mainstay has shipped out and I am cowering in the wreckage that is my life, feeling feral.

I am often described as being strong but I’m not sure how strong I really am…or, want to be. What I do want is to dig a hole…(except, maybe I am already in it)…and howl, lick my wounds and stay under everyone’s radar for a while.

Please, please don’t phone me...I need to find my own way to cope and I can’t explain to others something I don’t understand myself.

Meantime, medical “stuff” does not pause and it’s back to the oncologist tomorrow. Maybe I will discover that it’s “normal” for women to be left when facing a diagnosis like mine…I’ve had just about my fill of this journey now…Why me? Why not me?

Just how bad can life possibly get?



18 thoughts on “On the shelf

    1. OH Wendy – what a rat! This puts the cherry on all you have been and are going through. I am here if and whenever you need a cry/chat/scream. We are all thinking of you. Much love, Ronnie xx


  1. No one can imagine what today has been like for you but please be assured that people care and you are not alone.


  2. O Wend, crap news – remember there is a huge crowd of folk just waiting for you to call – we’ll be there when you do, whether it’s a request to do some shopping or a call for company – as the note above says – people care and you are not alone xx


  3. Dear Wendy, Hang in there. There is always light at the end of the tunnel, and there a lot of us out here waiting to help you find it. Don’t go under the radar for too long….. xx


  4. What a c*** thing to happen. Wendy,
    I am sending you a major hug. As everyone else has said, we are here for you and thinking about you so much. Let us know when you feel up to contact. Ally xxx


  5. Wendy . Can’t believe this is happening to you. I among many of your friends will always be here for you.

    Love Sandra x


  6. OMG Wend! How awful for you darling friend, completely get the need to lick your wounds but remember the love that’s out there for you . . when you’re ready xx


  7. When you see a break in the trees Wendy – why not run for France where there’s a little cottage waiting for you…..I’m sure Jenny will bring you! You’re always welcome.


  8. so sorry but pleased that you have so many friends loving and supporting you.i hope you arent alone in your home.its so easy to wallow when theres no one around .Instead try shouting allthe worst oaths and curses you can think of Iknow plenty if you get stuck.At least your health news is on the up and up.hugsfrom me Al


  9. Dear, dear Wendy – words are totally inadequate. I send you a huge, huge cyber hug and my wishes for you to be able to cope with this latest blow. You ARE strong and you WILL get through this awful cloud. Your friends are many and loyal and will come running when you let them know the door is open. Much love, Pip xx


  10. There isn’t much that leaves me at a loss for words. But this does it….
    (well, a few come to mind but they’re probably not fit for print.) Like they say, men are the weaker sex….


  11. Call me stupid but I wouldve thought you had more than your (un)fair share of worries and utter pain to try and cope with, without any man(!) made ones being created to the mix. Just horrific and beyond words. Sending you so much strength and love.


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