Living the Sword of Damocles Way

I have known my prognosis from kick-off, so why does having it repeated back to me  feel so different?

Well…for starters, it is making me more alert to the fact that it is time to do what I have always wanted to do…ideally as speedily as possible. But I can’t shrug off the constant ache for exactly what I can’t have – my old life, my band of gold intact, my husband at my side, my family and friend back again without the betrayals, deceit and lies…But just how does anyone just turn off 25 years of investment and what I had thought (so foolishly) was shared lives, love, hopes and dreams?

So…I have to shift to a downsized, second tier of wishes, which in my contracted world and view of life I am still struggling to identify. At my core I have had all meaningful ambition and stuffing knocked out of me by recent events and this is partnered with Sword of Damocles living…(I see I mentioned old Damocles in my blog on 26 October last year before I knew how much worse things were to become…)

I do want to:

  • read endless books (especially now I need feel no guilt about trying to read books I feel I should have read, or should try to read.) Time is too short to read anything other than what I want to read – or, what book group stipulates, of course!
  • be surrounded by honest, unafraid and supportive people…along with my cats.
  • be a good friend to others
  • bask in warm sunshine the whole time –  and see no more British grey skies or winters.
  • morph into a person that will actually get on with writing the novel I spend so long talking about.
  • be able to sleep properly.
  • be invited to part 2 of George Clooney’s wedding reception, which I believe is in Venice in a couple of weeks….or maybe Venice will be the actual wedding…Either way George Clooney and Venice sounds good…
  • be able to smile and laugh again, be a good mum…and to forget…if only for a while

 

 

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4 thoughts on “Living the Sword of Damocles Way

  1. Hugs x (Nic)

    Not sure what else I can offer. I did have a stack of unread books, but got rid of them, finally realising that I was probably never going to read all those supposed classics unless someone tied me up and forced me…

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  2. hi wendy what can anyone say. I just keep thinking and praying for you.another cliche accent the positive and ignore the negative.read whatever whenever unless theres some light nonsense on the tele.spain isnt too hot in jan and feb which is why i;’m off to new zealand if i get the all clear.i’ll read your blog from there.good luck Alicex

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  3. that is a good list wendy and one you are further on the road to achieving than many people of any age in that you are already a wonderful friend, a magnet to an eclectic circle of kind and principled people and more ridiculously well read than most of us can imagine. As for a good mum – well Patrick is testament to that!! But lets’ hope we can all help with bringing some more sunshine into your life , whether in Venice or Oxford! As for sleep – well radio 4 podcast are my answer to that particular nocturnal flipping of the hormones ( OMG will they be off limits in an independent Scotland!!!) but it is horrid not being able to sleep when you don’t feel well . Wishing you Shanti. xxx

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