Inside Out

Over the past week three people have not recognised me. They could of course have been blanking me, which I have found fairly common since I started sporting the twin taboos of both cancer and divorce but I don’t think so. They were people I have known independently and whom I have just not seen for ages. They didn’t actually know what had been happening to me (or that was the story, trust…as you can imagine is not my big thing at the moment)…

I hadn’t thought I had changed so significantly on the outside. The inside yes but outside….really? Of course that is discounting my hair….Does hair make that much difference?…aren’t people always being re-styled? Of course I have been re-styled by medicine rather than choice. The hair I lost, with chemo,  last year  has grown back differently but hey…Maybe the pain on the inside has seeped through and I present a whole new face to the world…Who knows? It is unnerving and unsettling and I am both feeling very prickly and finding it disturbing to handle.

If I really looked SO different, wouldn’t that be great? – my own cloak of invisibility. Then I would be free to scamper around where I pleased instead of constantly stressing about leaving the house and the  possibility of bumping into the unfaithful husband and his scheming whore.

More “home” treatment today..another afternoon of being infused. This time the nurse is coming from Birmingham – seems that Healthcare at Home has a huge patch for the staff to cover. As much time must be spent driving as “nursing” but maybe this isn’t the time for me to go into medical manager mode!

More medical appointments loom –  diabetes, dermatology and GP amongst others in the coming days.  I am still trying to ignore the bowel issue!



4 thoughts on “Inside Out

  1. Dear Wendy, just a little encouragement: when I last saw you I thought you looked surprisingly well, hadn’t changed much at all, and the best thing was that your unique and very infectious laugh and sense of humour were there, just as I remembered.There’s quite a lot of water under the bridge sense that happy gathering in St Clement’s, of course, but I believe that you are still you….. Of course, these last few days we are all quite sad, as George got married in Venice!! As one tweeter commented: all heterosexual men celebrate, for everyone else, it’s a sad day.
    We’ re now arrived in Lima, Peru, which turns out to be much nicer than I anticipated. Time to try the ceviche and pisco sour! You can follow our trip on Lots of pretty photos, but don’ t expect the writing to be up to your standard.😊😊Hope you are planning your next trip to a sunny place, as you have said, more dark, grey winters are not among the things you desire.
    Thinking of you, as always.
    Lots of love, Gro xx


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