Vacuum packed

Am struggling to blog at the moment. On one level I feel like I am trying to exist in some hermetically sealed vacuum (with my novel) so that none of the horrors I am facing, can touch me…but sometimes I have to venture out and “feel” reality…that’s not been so good…

Today seems to be a morning of breast care nurses. Anxious call from the hospital – not sure why they were worried (maybe because I am laying low?) There was further discussion about the prosthesis. I didn’t mention that I have got rid of it, I can’t imagine “the time when I might want it”.  I see it as one of the nick nacks I have gathered on this journey (which includes April the wig, “my” pink tourniquet, a variety of headwear for the hairless, “difficult” veins, tablets and creams galore, a cupboard full of dressings, a two-timing husband and a spineless, cruel “friend”). Then I have the calls from the Healthcare at Home nurses planning their Monday visit for Herceptin dosing – Round 3 at home.

Some days I feel a fraud – I feel well, look reasonably well and am able to function like a regular person (physically at least, emotionally I remain a black scribble) and I truly wonder if the cancer has gone.  Two weeks now until the next scans…then I guess I find out what’s going on inside. Meantime I have had to crank up the anti-depressants.

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2 thoughts on “Vacuum packed

  1. Oh, Wendy. I’m not surprised you have major down days – you’ve had a hell of a time. Don’t forget though – you are an amazing person! I know I only met you for a week but I really enjoyed getting to know you as much as a week allows. Don’t let the b*&st&*rds get you down. And great that it sounds as though you’re working on your novel – that is something I would very much like to see. Sending warm wishes from London x

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