I start the year much as I ended the last – with venom in my heart and, poisonous though it is, it is staying there to remind me of my “checkered” past. However I also have to find reasons to go on as well, not least for the people continually propping me up, the non-professionals amongst them really need a break..REALLY!
I’ve taken a long look at my very damaged self and am going to get to work on some repairs. The physical stuff is impossible (one boob, and leprosy scarring for starters) but other things are. Today I have been to 2 very crowded street markets which were amazing. I loved the jostling, the banter and the whole mad and very loud crowd thing as well as doing it on my own. I had thought I hated crowds but it appears not…I saw two very, very elderly headscarved ladies hand in hand doing their shopping. They both gave me a big smile which I returned as I watched them very slowly manoeuvre their way through the melee. Maybe there are other things that I can now take on now I feel less judged, less controlled and less afraid…I may not get to grow old but it seems I haven’t completely lost touch with humanity.
A good start anyway…and tomorrow’s another day!