A crucible crack’d

For the past months the pictures spiralling around my head have had me metamorphosed (is that the correct word?) into a raging crucible. I have just about been withstanding the heat that has been thrown and followed up with vigorous fanning…but I am starting to crack. Maybe cracks are good, I force myself to think. They could mean that I have moved off constant simmer or maybe it could mean that one person can only take so much, and my capacity has been overloaded. Big decisions to be made this week and maybe it’s that thought that has simultaneously taken me off the boil and made me seemingly incapable of carrying the load any more.

My signature competent multi-tasking has been gradually downgrading itself to very poor uni-tasking (is that a word?). The list of things I start each day and totally forget about (often within seconds) lengthens week by week. If I write stuff on calendar and in diary and on computer there is a good chance I will remember…but I often lose focus when performing this task and, if not in at least 2 of the 3 places…then it is hopeless. Misplacing my diary is of course a daily inevitability (and then forgetting what I am looking for…or why I wanted it). Still, the upside is that sometimes I forget (briefly) what I am actually stressed about…and sometimes the cats almost get fed twice!

Had my first Herceptin injection today. As predicted, nursing protocols ain’t the same as doctor protocols, so, after administering the injection, the nurse sat “with me” for 2 hours in case of side effects – which I understand to be aching muscles. Really? I didn’t even bother to ask what would be done if I reported aching muscles, I just curled up in front of The Legacy and semi-detached myself and…er….”chilled”!


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