The Gathering

My bubble is slowly bursting. I have been back and forth to London spending time with my friend in a fairly regular way. “Regular” ? Hmmmmm –  this includes her being in her pyjamas (defiantly still white!), not going out, surrounded by drugs, with a syringe driver attached, swollen reddened face, scarred and weak…but, it seems, we can get used to anything when there is a familiar talking head, wanting to remain in control and wanting to make her own choices. Yesterday was different … she “allowed” us to make some decisions, well aware of the implications and I was able to hold her, stroke her and tell her that it was OK to let go…Tears drifted down her cheeks as she accepted that she was too weak (even with my help) to get the few steps to the bathroom.

But changing gear means that the nature of my visits will change. We are segueing out of the intimacy of curling up on the sofa and chatting, into a stage where there are more people around, friends, family alongside an increasing medical input. Somehow losing this one to one is more than I can bear, except it is inevitable and I have to bear it. We had our first taster yesterday where 4 of us sat around discussing how we manage what’s coming, whilst she wasn’t in the room. It was surreal. She always has something to say about everything…

That all said, we did manage to fit in talking about our new life as “angels” and how that might pan out! Cancer is never going to rob either of us of our spirit!

More herceptin for me on Friday…assuming I am here to have it…

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3 thoughts on “The Gathering

  1. Thinking about you and your friend lots – two special girls. Don’t give up, Wendy, there is a lot of love out here for you. x

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