Pear shaped

Just when I thought I may have honed recent “happenings” to something heart function related, my echo results show a marked improvement. My percentage (of what, I neither know nor care) has now risen from getting too low, even for a herceptin patient, to a normal range (I obviously use “normal” with caution). So from where I am – it looks like stroke, meningitis and heart function were not the cause of my “death”.

My next planned activities are oncology and R-Test Event Cardiac Monitor Clinic, then more CT scans and…just for an added bonus a mammogram. Party on…

I am severely drifting off course with  what is “being happened to me” (I have even had to create my own descriptions). I did not want to drift into more and more diagnostic testing and spending my remaining life in hospital waiting rooms. However without a diagnosis there is absolute zero chance of either long haul travel or driving. So, how to deal with being fenced in?

I could, of course, make friends with myself again, adapt and accept that my ICU jolly has shrunk my horizons (as well as eating up a huge amount of the local NHS budget). And, given time, I’m sure I will, but I’m not there yet and am still keening for the relentless hand of brutality being dealt to me. Life seems to be sending me more than my fair share (surely?) of curved balls. And I am not going to respond in any kind of positive way, if anyone starts up about troubles only being sent to those strong enough to stand it…ENOUGH ALREADY!

Next stop – I need to try and claim money back via my travel insurance and try to organise this bus pass. I say “try” because I have very low expectations of achieving my goal. Another day of expect the worst, hope for the best

..but I have: hair; cold-brew coffee; a lovely place to call my home; books from Baileys Womens Prize and Wellcome Book Prize to read; Tom in the raspberry Ocado van coming my way and plenty more besides.

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