Sitting watching The Big C on BBC which is making me feel ….compromised? dishonest? fanciful? Irritated that community singing seems to be an answer? I have a diagnosis which gives a mean survival of 52 months from diagnosis. I am at almost 36 months.But I feel “well”. I live a life of Russian Roulette..is this feeling “well” really “well” or not? Does it matter? Will I wake up the next morning? Should I continue to concentrate on other things?
- Looking out for those close at hand – my nearest and dearest
- Watching my garden grow
- Doing what makes me happy
- Unfolding (and ironing out) the creases I have formed in my life
Have decided that, although passed as “fit to travel” I am not fit for purpose on the mad long-haul adventures I had thought possible (and…on some base level still think might be possible). That’s OK, I just have to manage the expectations I continue to impose on myself (I am well skilled in change management after 15 years working in the NHS) and continue to work on the reasons behind them.
On Sunday it is the anniversary of my friend’s death from cancer. A year. Most days I want to talk to her. Most days I want to howl. Most days I keep calm and carry on…most days