The past week seems to have cast a lot of shadows, but not just for me. Feeling rather like the world has gone crazy (and indeed it has) but I am becoming more resigned to the fact that it is part of a cycle for which debate and engagement is the appropriate response. A friend, yesterday, suggested that spouting off in an echo chamber was useless and that we need to return to the days of talking with the very people whose views differ from our own. We need to learn/re-learn to debate our position rationally whilst also actively listening to other opinions.
Political blindsiding has not been all…I seem to have been dragged back (with some token kicking and screaming) into the world of being a “patient” again. Despite being what I think of as a hospital regular, stuff has changed in my absence. New scanner (with a different voice) plus the facility to watch movies, not that the staff have learned that part yet! Sadly still the same dye injected into veins that makes my mouth taste metallic with the added bonus of the “warm” (not fuzzy) feeling as if you have become incontinent.Cancer! – such a riot!
All this week’s medical appointments seem to have ended up focusing on my heart function. I am unsure why and asked if my blood tests had been worrying. They hadn’t. I asked if there were any other indicators that were awry. There weren’t. Nonetheless 3 doctors in 4 days does make you wonder. Maybe it is just something to add to my flailing round in the dark state. Still, more doctors, more tests, more clinics over next 2 weeks so maybe something (benign) will emerge.
…and just to throw something else into the mix of the darkness theme, our cat has gone blind.
But I have just discovered a bright side. Glitter grout. Who knew?
…and so we will scatter my friend/my former friend/my beloved dead friend? And…whilst the “sensible” is discussed and arranged, I ponder the unorthodox/the daft/the disrespectful/the offbeat/the quirky/the fearless which is how I remember her. How can there be so many websites dedicated to ideas surrounding the “disposal” of ashes? It’s an industry. I am torn between heartbreak/loss and thinking just how we would have cackled (there is no other word) at the possibilities.
A small sample below of those that have tickled me especially when thinking just how wrong they could all go…
• You can pour ashes into a striking piece of sculpture (if you happened to have a striking piece of sculpture to hand)
• Mix them with clay or concrete and make something. (something? hmmmm) A builder had his made into paving slabs. He said he’d been walked over all his life, he fancied more of the same when dead. (Is this for real?)
• Commission an artist to mix them with paint and create a portrait (can’t think anything other than gruesome or more akin to Grimms Fairy Tales)
• Fire them out of shotgun cartridges. Speak to a gunsmith (wonder where I find one of these?)
• Have them pressed into a vinyl record which will play your favourite music (on what?)
• Scatter them from a hot air balloon or a light aircraft (both of course readily accessible).
• Scatter them at sea (“The Viking Longboat Urn will give a send off to remember: set upon the water, set adrift and set alight. Then as the fire ebbs away the boat sinks gracefully below the water”) “gracefully” ?
• Have them made into a crystal windchime (why?)
• Have them mixed with glass and made into an ornament (“an ornament” – what kind of “ornament” would that be?)
• Keep some in a locket or a pendant. Really lovely things (really?)
• Have them made into a firework display (now we’re talking but not sure that amongst my acquaintance is a firework maker…damn!)
• Launch them into the stratosphere, where they will encircle the Earth (how? especially when neither handicrafts nor science was your thing)
• Bury them in an underwater reef (I am not sure this is permitted…is it?)
• Have them scattered from a radio-controlled helicopter (recipe for disaster but oh how perfect).
There also seems to be a dedicated vocabulary for this activity which includes such staples as “farewelling” “water soluble scattering urn” and even Trip Advisor gets in on the act with reviews on places to go/what to do…
Having already prepared my will; Power of Attorney; DNR order and Advance Decision to Refuse Treatment, it looks like I have yet more to consider…