Out of sight

…so whilst pottering and titivating (my new pastime)…I received a phone call from the Eye Hospital. Back in January I had an appointment where retinal photos were taken and I was told that an appointment to discuss with the doctor would be arranged. At the time I remember thinking that it was a not so subtle way of reducing their waiting list, as leaving human contact in the hospital without an appointment is very dangerous, trying to contact the Eye Hospital by phone is not for the faint hearted.

Anyway a very nervous doctor (possibly only started on 1 August) started his call by saying that he had been trying to contact me all week….really? He needed me to come in to clinic “tomorrow” and so we arranged it…then he rang to change the time…then rang again to change it again…so the “right” doctor can see me…So, my phone is obviously working.

…and what can I expect from this hastily arranged appointment…

• that someone has only just looked at January’s photos and there is something wrong
• that someone has realised I hadn’t been sent a follow-up appointment so was trying to fit me into a cancellation
• or perhaps this is how appointments are now managed

All in all rather odd (good job I am still taking the tablets) but I will go and sit and wait (part of the Eye Hospital experience) and “see” what happens  whilst I also wait for confirmation of herceptin treatment on Monday. Reality is that I am more worried about the fact that I am being so compliant rather than what they might tell me, non-compliance seems to be my new modus operandi!

Life according to Eeyore

“It’s snowing still,” said Eeyore gloomily.

“So it is.”

“And freezing.”

“Is it?”

“Yes,” said Eeyore. “However,” he said, brightening up a little, “we haven’t had an earthquake lately.”

I have been told that my voice mail message leaves much to be desired. Really? Apparently I sound distinctly like Eeyore…throwing out (to any brave message leavers) that it is unlikely I will pick up the message and, even if I do, don’t rely on it being any time soon. Seems a perfectly fine message to me….but I have to say that I think this may have more to do with my attitude to mobile phones than my attitude to life. Maybe, like so many other things, I need to make changes! Wonder how many changes I have to make without turning into a completely different person…or do I need to turn into a completely different person? Uh-oh…I am sounding Eeyore-like again…

Back in my “real” world I am breaking a sweat on the medical hamster wheel again. Blood tests done running into herceptin treatment, oncology appointment…never the chance to forget…I had to complete a form this week which asked for any dates I am “unavailable” for an appointment in the next 12 weeks. I had to move on to an extra sheet to keep listing all the “already booked” medical appointments! And, of course, I am still waiting to hear (or not) from the Eye Hospital…I am fairly confident that both appointments will land on my doormat for the same day and time…Eeyore-like? N’ah…..

 

Layers of loss…

“The situation” with the cat has now been to the negotiating table…Alfie, it seems is leaving home. “Loss” seems to be my middle name at present so I made a remarkably sanguine (or maybe I am just worn down) decision about him. Should he stay or should he go? Well…he hisses all the time here (even when I was trying to discuss the matter with him), he hates the other cat and comes in to do anything other than feed (and hiss), very rarely. Apparently in his “other” home (one of them anyway)..he purrs, plays and generally chills (as well as having “his own pillow”)…Sounds like a happier cat to me, so I have agreed he can go, as my requirements regarding his medications, vet appointments, honesty about his age seemed not to cause a problem…So, leaving “do” is next weekend!  Not sure I am exactly becoming inured to loss but maybe just starting to see this is my lot…I have said he can come “home” if he is unhappy.

Loss of eyesight could be another to add to list. A few hours at Eye Hospital today with a new variety of equipment for retinal photography seems to show….? Well…I’m not sure..they don’t seem sure…and will have to “meet” and get back to me. My assumption was that this may be a new way of introducing efficiency savings ie no-one will get back to me and trying to contact the Eye Hospital would challenge even Job’s patience on the Kafka-esque phone circuit. Thus they lose one from the endless list. Perhaps it’s genuine and they really don’t know what’s going on but time will tell. So far as I am concerned, I can see as well as usual but who knows what is going on in the deeper regions behind the retina…Still..gives me something new to google! I have already found “retinal vein occlusion” – could it be that?

The other woman

I have received a 4 page love letter…sadly not “for” me but to one of my cats Alfie….who, apparently is “the most precious cat ever met” and he has stolen another’s heart! Who knew that the cat who regularly hisses and snipes at me was being such a flirt across the road from me to a woman whose waking thought each day…is Alfie, especially now she is about to move house!  He regularly overnights there, apparently, on his “own pillow”. Tomorrow I am scheduled to meet this other woman to “share my thoughts on the situation”….hmmmm… not quite sure what the “situation” is…but imagine she wants to take my very independent cat with her…Wonder if she knows that as well as his “home” here, he also has “his” room and a multitude of resting places at other houses in the neighbourhood as well…

Aside from this light entertainment I am still trawling through mud…3 consecutive days of medical appointments this coming week (eyes, cancer and head!)…they just keep coming

 

 

Language barrier

I always thought myself quite literate so have been surprised, when trying to read the newspaper, of all manner of new (?) vocabulary that seems to have crept in, when I wasn’t looking. Maybe everybody else knows what a mocktail is, but I didn’t…same goes for hidalgo…scanxiety (which, if you already know or have looked-up, you would have thought I should have heard of) cortado, MAMIL and many more oddities I encountered in the very first page I attempted. Am I really so disconnected from “real” life?  I feel like Rip van Winkle but I feel sure I was awake yesterday. I’m sure I was…

Pushing that worrying distraction to one side, onto the ever increasing stressy pile, I prepare for more treatment this week.  Whilst I know the Herceptin infusion is keeping me alive, it can’t help but prompt a reminder of my diagnosis and whatever buoyancy I have managed to capture seems to evaporate (for a while anyway).  I want to dispense with this 3 weekly ritual and just let nature take its course (I feel relatively well after all) but I suspect that I am not going to be allowed to do that. So I prepare, again, for a half day with a Healthcare at Home nurse…I think the nurse who will be treating me is the one who is scared of cats, so no furry ball of warm comfort in my lap tomorrow afternoon. Then I am scheduled back at both Eye Hospital and Dermatology in the next week…and blood tests…Whoo-hoo…the fun just goes on and on!